so yeah, im updating twice in like a few days...something is wrong with me! LoL!!!!

im not going to lie to you guys, being an uncle is hard. ask uncle jesse from Full House. I mean, that guy had to play guitar, raise some kidz (with a z) and tame his IMMACULATE mane. if i were him, i would have grown wings and farted in uncle joey's rice krispies.

whenever i get sad, i think about the time i stabbed a man in the heart. then i feel happy, cuz i know that i dont have a hole in my shirt from that knife. NO HOLES!!!

i think im gonna take up the art of floor dancing. raj has been doing it for a while now...wont shut up about it neither. "oh, sweep, its so awesome! we get to ride motorcycles to the rock of gibralter and play table tennis with janet reno!" SHUT UP ALREADY! if i have to hear one more story about fly fishing out of a trolley car in the former USSR in front of 1000 crazed and delusional alexander the great look-a-likes, im gonna probably invest in one of those air purifiers i see on late night tv.

anyhoo, ive got to go water my cactus (not really)

Sweep  ¶ 1:24 AM (6) comments

  so this one time i was spelunking with an alec baldwin look alike when i happened across a old throwing star that i decided to name brian i threw brian into a watermelon and he got stuck inside there but he didnt care because he said it was delicious inside the watermelon

i used no punctuation up there.

yeah so sorry to all my fans for not updating. i forget i have this mofo.

i want to push a barrel off a table. a barrel filled with playing cards and loaves of bread. i wonder if it would land on its feet. did i say barrel? i meant a cat.

dont talk to ninjas. they dont talk english good. we need to learn them how its gotta be talked like.

ok, im gonna triangulate the pythagorean theorem's secrets and mysteries on my game boy advance in the form of pokemon.

SwEeP  ¶ 1:35 AM (0) comments

  I HAVE A MYSPACE!!!!!

heres the link... My MySpace!


add me as one of your best friends.

also, unbreak my heart. say you'll love me again.

SWEEP!  ¶ 2:34 AM (0) comments

  last time i checked, aliens HAD manners!!!


RUDE!!!!

uhhhh, anyway...how bout them new fancy tennis balls they got goin right now? pretty nice, eh?

i've been trying that canadian thing lately, i wanna fit in if i have to dodge a draft anytime soon.

so, wow...its been a long time...nothing has happened. i bought a parakeet, i named him walter.

walter poops on my mothers dishes.

i like how spacing this out makes it look like a long post.

anyway, B-E-D-T-Y-M-E

Sweep AKA Jedi Johnny  ¶ 3:32 AM (1) comments

  hey, who knew ants were so gullible?

remember when toenail clippings super glued to the sides of a tugboat bearing the name Santo Domingo de los Detroit Tigers was sexy and the hollywood thing to do? i sure remember.

whats with all these kids and their remote controlled airplanes these days? when i was your age, i was building chinese tortoise shells out of legos. seriously, kids, chap stick is NOT the answer.

alright, im out like FDR in something that has to do with walking...and being alive.

SWEEP  ¶ 3:33 AM (1) comments

  well hello there!

sorry its taken so long for me to update. ive been busy teaching west african spider monkeys how to properly triangulate the coordinates of the satellites in outer space. they catch on real fast.

by popular request, some phat sweep rhymes:

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH what? what? check it.

sweep back up in your face with some stuff to say/playing pokemon is not the least bit gay/i'll poke you in your eye and make you say, "hey!"/dont walk on that rope bridge! when the wind blows it will sway!

verse 2 and i know youre feelin this/my dope beats are on the same level as Elvis/what choo say? Elvis didnt rap?/well fine then, homie, i make eminem look like crap/i went to the laundromat today to wash some clothes/my batman pajamas and my hot pink robe/when i turned around, guess who i saw/it was John Chupacabra with a bruise on his jaw/he said to me, "Sweep, can you help? i got beat up, and i could use your black belt"/i turned to him and said, "sure, john. lets go get these cock garnishes and beat em to the ground."/so we rolled up, me all up on my trike/got up off and pushed this dude named mike/karate chopped his neck and john punched his throat/we pushed his lifeless body into a moat/ok, i made this up...all this is a lie/ive got a problem eating pumpkin pie/it dont taste good when i eat it with whipped cream/but my mom makes me eat it just the same

turn off my mic. im out. 8 mile til i die.

Sweep reppin the midwest, G.  ¶ 11:49 PM (2) comments

  hey!

so i started my new job at Jazzy Jared's Jerky Barn the other day. Jazzy J(thats my nickname for him) took me in the factory part to show me the process. seriously, they put spices and stuff on the meat. and then they DRY it. pardon me, but i like my meat cooked.

John Chupacabra, Million $$$ Raj, Big Irish Mikey, and myself had a sleepover at John's house last week. It was pretty sweet until John's cat took a dump in my duffel bag. and when i say duffel bag, i mean litter box.

Seriously tho, whatever happened to that Michael Jordan guy? one day, he's playing baseball for the White Sox...the next day, he's not. i thought he had the potential to be quite the athlete, but i also thought that internet thing would catch on too.

its been a while since ive updated you guys on my baloon shaving times. ok, i admit...i havent been practicing like a Nancy Drew would be, but i've been busy watching Season 1 of Touched by an Angel.

DANG! my moms is clownin' on me, yo. i have to go plant some potato trees.

LATER,
SWEEP  ¶ 9:45 PM (0) comments

  1000 hits!

WOOO!  ¶ 6:47 PM (0) comments

  Hey guys, sorry its been so long. i was busy with some stuff.

what stuff, you ask? well, i'll tell you

i was shopping around for some new stinkbait, you know...chinese water therapy? thats it.

anyway, this racoon had been clawing at my feet for a few minutes and i look down at him and told him it was time. time to hop in my time machine. i built one. out of rubber bands and pipe cleaners. it didnt work. it has a few bugs to work out...but ol cooney and i will be zoomin around here in no time. OMG! DID YOU GET THAT PUN?

so ive been hearing alot about this toothpaste stuff. supposedly its "all the rage"...heres what gets me, doesnt paste like stick stuff together? im sorry, but i like eating...i dont want my teeth stuck together and have to have some old irish man take his shoes off and wave them in front of a llama to hail his magic taxi...NOT AT ALL.

wailp, ive got me some bull ridin to do...thats my new hobby...findin me a belgian waffle maker and just goin to town, makin waffles for people...Johnny C, James Cho-Cha, TLOCK, Million Dollar Raj, Sam, Katie...all my peeps...theyre all like, "Sweep, dude...these waffles...these waffles=mmmmm. And not just any 'mmmmm'...we're talkin beat a homeless man with a tube sock full of monkey turds 'mmmmm' "

until we meet again,

Sweepadeedoo  ¶ 3:38 AM (1) comments

  well hi there!

so...what ever happened to that one chick from saved by the bell? the one that dated AC slater's friend...well she didnt in real life...she dated one of his real life friends.

Mario Lopez. Thats AC slater's real name.

so JC (John Chupacabra, not jesus) and i were perusing the horror section at best buy and we saw this movie called Teacups from Hell. now, im no stuffed taco connoisuer...but im pretty sure teacups dont usually associate with demons or other hellish beings. so, i think that movie is needs to get its story straight.

while were on the topic, james cho-cha told me a hilarious joke the other day. OMG! LOL JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!!! anyhoo...here goes...

what do you call someone that helps a band?

a BAND-aid

OMG! ROFL!!!!

james, you are one funny green tractor tamer.

well, ive gotta go towel off...my parakeet just dropped a water balloon on my head! i'm gonna get him!!

SWEEP


  ¶ 2:43 AM (0) comments

  what up ladies?

so im walking home from john chupacabras house the other day...and this squirrel runs in front of me and up a tree. now, i know he wasnt a black squirrel...but i still consider that bad luck.

speaking of john chupacabra, i really hope avril lavigne comes out with a new album this year. she has the voice of a million angels singing punk songs. sometimes, when i rock out to avril, i like to put uncooked spaghetti noodles in between my toes and act like im playing the drums on all the doorknobs in the house.

and speaking of other cool stuff, you should check out my buddy james' blog. James Cho-Cha is one cool kid...i remember when we were in elementary school together and we would sit around his bon fire pit in his backyard and put our shoes on our hands and act like they were talking to eachother. OMG! LOL!

good times...good times...

alright, bed time...i gotta get up early and wax our fake fruit.

Johnny (ooooooh, changin it up!)
  ¶ 1:58 AM (2) comments

  so i know ive said it before...but pluto nash is awesome. its awesomeness is comparable to those dog leashes that look like they have an invisible dog on the end. it took me FOREVER to figure out there wasnt really a dog on the end of those. i mean, when in the course of humanity would we ever see a movie about a stork that actually did something worthwhile. Storks are always poking people's eyes and delivering things wrapped in blankets and stuff.

ICKY ICKY ICK ICK ICKY ICKY ICKY.

that was me beat boxing.

so i was out at wal-mart with my mom the other day shopping for a sweater for our pet otter, and we spotted a chinese watermelon shaking his bon bon(that means butt) over in the fruit section. he turns and says to me, "hey, buddy, do you know what it means when someone points their finger at the sky and says, 'drag a chicken around all day and you will in fact become space dust in a matter of seconds'?" i say back, "no, but i know how to eat watermelon."

i ate him.

dang, my mom's calling me...ive gotta go paint the carpet.

SwEeP
  ¶ 11:53 PM (3) comments

  hey its sweep...i figured it was time to update

so i was walking thru the mall the other day and i noticed a cat. he turned into an arm and karate chopped someone in the neck.

my mom came in my room this morning and was all like, " OH MY GOSH! DONT YOU HAVE TO WORK?!" and i was all like, "dude, when are you gonna stop turning on the lightbulbs with magic fish food?" that shut her up.

i need to get me a car. this riding my cousins mountain bike everywhere business is getting old. so if you know anyone selling a car, lemme know...im very picky. i want it to have 2 wheels. and have no engine. and have the ability to climb mountains. my preferred brand is "Huffy". make sure it has shocks. shocks are a must.

alright...im gonna go calibrate my uncle sal's spinning saddle softener. (thats called alliteration, cock garnish)

Sweep.
  ¶ 10:47 PM (1) comments

  WOOOOOO!

400 hits since i put up the counter.

i hope everyone had a totally awesome new years. i went out with my mother to her boyfriends house. we sat around the fire and sang hippy songs and played backgammon with our toes until the ball dropped. it was pretty sweet until they started making out at midnight. i mean, HELLO! trees cant tapdance in the moonlight!

anyway, im gonna go trim my chia pet.

Sweep
  ¶ 6:15 PM (0) comments

  hello boys and girls....S-W-E-E-P is back in yo face with some stuff fo you to read...

OMG, i saw that meet the fockers movie the other day and i have to say, why do we call magic markers magic? i mean, i wave those things around all day and they dont turn that cheese wheel in the fridge to solid gold like its supposed to. it doesnt make the pain i feel when the neighborhood boys call me "poopiehead" subside. the only thing it does really well is stay on something for a long long time. so i gotta ask...what the heck happened to paddington bear? but thats a whole nother post! LMBO!

so i was browsing about the mall the other day and i saw a young child wearing 2 hats. not two sock hats, 2 baseball hats. and i wondered...is he wearing 2 hats because he didnt finish vin diesel autobiography. seriously, OMG! GET A LIFE!

so i was sittin in my room the other day, and this kid i dont know walks in and says..."como esta." now, i dont speak french....but i find that to be really rude to call me that.

well, im gonnna go moonwalk to tulsa and set a bear trap...if you know what i mean

sWeEp
  ¶ 1:21 PM (0) comments

  #1!

Eminem's Encore.

I totally love him, just like everybody else in America. when him and Dr. Dre rap together, it reminds of the golden days of Kriss Kross. Sweet T used to be #1 in my mind, but Eminem has passed him with his latest installment of dopeness.

I'm so glad this is done...back to the usual stuff soon...

Sweeparino
  ¶ 2:03 AM (2) comments

  #2...

Avril Lavigne's Under My Skin.

i didnt think it was very good til John Chupacabra drug me along to one of her concerts...there should be a pic there somewhere.

Until next time

Sweep
  ¶ 5:36 PM (0) comments

  #3....

J-Kwon and his bomb ass cd Hood Hop.

i cant really explain the super awesomeness of this...so just remember that before his song "tipsy," nobody really knew what people were doing in the club. But now we know that "errebody in the club gettin' tipsy."

i hope this ends soon.

Sweep
  ¶ 2:52 AM (1) comments

  alright, ladies, you ready for #4???

Aerosmith and their 84th album Honkin' on Bobo (wtf?)

Honkin' on Bobo? i guess when you combine the fact that Aerosmith is pretty much running out of album titles and the fact that they've done oodles and oodles of drugs...you get a album title that is as weird as when a chicken walks up to a salamander and says something to the effect of, "hey sally, you got any spare change? i need to make a phone call"

#3 soon

Sweep
  ¶ 2:32 PM (3) comments

  #5.

William Hung's Hung for the Holidays.

Now, i know what youre thinking...why not Inspiration? that question has a simple answer...Inspiration does not have a song called 'Greeting:Hopes and Dreams/We Are the Champions' on it. William Hung has made 'We Are the Champions' a Christmas song...FINALLY! i was wondering when that was gonna happen. I was secretly hoping Steven Tyler would do it, since he did so well with that song in Polar Express. However, William Hung will do.

#4 comin up next, ass baskets.

Sweep
  ¶ 1:14 AM (0) comments

  alright...#6

Lindsay Lohan's best CD yet: Speak

dont say anything about her...because shes tired of people talking about her. so it will do you no good. i guess im about to say something about her tho...she definitely likes it when giraffes eat peanut butter off the backs of giant sea turtles. i never should have said that...now it will be in the next edition of Star or the National Inquirer. OMG! SO SO SO SORRY LINDSAY!

well, ive gotta go feed my parakeet.

Sweep
  ¶ 1:03 AM (0) comments